no more

This weekend I decided I would stop writing. For good. No more effort. No more stress...

My reasoning was that I was too stressed trying to write. I have two young children and need to devote as much time as possible to them. I decided writing needed to take a back seat, that I would get to it when I got to it. I decided I would make a better effort at putting God first in my life, then wife, then mom, then daughter, then something else.... then focus on my 9-5 job I'm not liking very much right now.... then, writing would come in at a distant 52nd place... I felt good about my decision. Already, I felt like I had improved as a mom and a wife.

An hour later, something about the current story line I'm working on popped into my head and I realized that giving up writing may not be as easy as I thought.

What I've decided to change is my mindset. I'd turned my writing into something that had to be done, because I wanted it to be a business venture for me. The sad fact is that it isn't. This may never be a business venture for me. It may be a hobby until the day I die.

I joined a couple of writers organizations. I'm on a group blog that talks writing and everything else. I've entered/won contests. I opened Goodreads/Twitter/Facebook accounts to network with other writers, but found I can network all day long, but until I finish the book and really start querying, I have no chance. I have to turn the social media networks off to get anything done. My time is too limited to waste.

I see other people who are probably balancing as much or more than I am announce their publication contracts. I'm happy for them, but when I see the new author is someone like me, in my own rotten flesh I am jealous because I wish that were me. I can't see the end of this road but I'm not sure I want to. What good will come if I am published? A check? Recognition? Don't I realize that with publication comes its own set of problems? Don't I have enough problems? Why add more?

So I have to stop writing... for the reasons to become published... for the goal of making a name for myself... I need to stop because its not helping me, its hurting me.

If I'm going to write, then it needs to be just for me.


Back to the love of writing because I'm creating a world of new problems that belong to someone else, where true loves always wins in the end, where the worst issues will be resolved and that on that last page, everyone will live Happily Ever After.....

No more effort to write for anyone else.

No more stress.